Review: 21 Miles, Swimming in search of the meaning of motherhood

Warning: Don’t read this post if you’re interested in fertility and haven’t yet read 21 Miles, Swimming in Search of the Meaning of Motherhood by Jessica Hepburn. I wouldn’t want to ruin what could be a beautiful experience for you.

This is not so much as a review, as 21 reasons why Jessica Hepburn should step onto the stage and take a bow. Continue reading “Review: 21 Miles, Swimming in search of the meaning of motherhood”

Does motherhood make you happy? (And other questions I’ve not had time to ask)

One of the hardest things about being a mother, for me, is that there’s no time to think about it.

It’s arguably the most important job you’re ever going to do and – apart from the twenty-seventh rendition of Thomas the Tank Engine – is utterly fascinating.  And yet the demands of feeding, entertaining, wiping, holding, soothing and life-saving are so relentless it’s impossible to reflect upon what you’re doing as you are actually doing it. (I wrote about this at the time: Can you be a feminist if you can’t think?)

What I didn’t know during my child’s early years is that as your child grows so does the space to pause and consider. When he’s old enough to walk home from school alone, you gain an extra hour each day.  When she can stay in the house on her own, you gain another hour, maybe two.

Now my child is aged 11, I’ve found it’s possible to mine that rich repository of milky, burpy, tired-as-zombie experience in a way that would have been an impossible luxury only a few years ago.

I will be doing that next month at Fertility Fest 2018, at the Bush Theatre, London between Tuesday 8 and Sunday 13 May.

Fertility Fest is the world’s first arts festival dedicated to fertility, infertility,modern families and the science of making babies. I was part of the first Fertility Fest in Birmingham last year so I know it will be a thoughtful, emotional, caring and beautiful occasion. (I can’t tell you how much it made me cry.)

Lots of questions will be being asked:

  • How does not being able to make a baby make you feel about your body?
  • Are there different pressures and prejudices about infertility depending on the community you come from?
  • What makes you angry in the field of fertility, infertility, modern families and the science of making babies?
  • Why do we not talk about miscarriage?

The question I’m most looking forward to is one posed by the incredibly engaging and generally awesome Jessica Hepburn: Does motherhood make you happy? Jessica, who co-founded Fertility Fest, asks 21 women that question in her new book: 21 Miles.

I can’t wait to read it, not least because not all of the women said: “Yes”.  I know that motherhood has made me happy; very happy indeed, even when it’s meant I haven’t had time to think.  But I will relish the opportunity to reflect upon why – and do that with other mothers and those who longed to be mothers.  We are woven together with the same golden thread, my sisters.